The Quotable Spankster:

“So, really, Neil is the one who should be spanked.“
“Wow. I feel… special and loved.”  “It doesn’t matter sir, because your number was randomly selected…”
“Can I hang up the call now?”
“Do you know Matilda?“
“Are you going to record this call and put it on the Internet?”
“It is a cell phone, it is not a wall to paint pink.”

This is Part 3 of The iPhone Saga. You’ve been patient, but this is worth it, trust me. (I should note that this episode has a hot mic, so be forewarned. Comedic excellence isn’t always flawless…)

This time Stephan got on the horn, and he was all about ratting Neil out as the newbie he was. Even to the point that when I suggested Neil get spanked for his incompetence, Stephan was all over it, insisting they would “take some action” against him. (What intoxicating power I hold over Neil’s life!! Ha ha ha ha!!!!)

Personally, I found it hard to believe that out of the entire city, I was the only one selected for such a great cell phone deal. Man, am I one lucky guy, or what? But then when we got right down to it and I asked him if I was special, he didn’t pull any punches. Nope. He told me flat out: I’m not special. My NUMBER was special. Sheesh… hope his next job isn’t as a hostage negotiator.

Turns out the only way to become special to this guy was if I become his customer. Yeah. I know. Talk about a hard sell…

Then I derailed him with Neil again, whom he explains he” just sent” to the manager for a good talkin’ too. (Take THAT, Neil!)  Finally, though, I was frank with him. As frank as I’ve ever been with any telemarketer. I told him flat out that I was wasting his time. What he said next is priceless. (And what I said in response is even more so.)

I really,  REALLY had a good time with this guy. I think I was on top of my game, if I do say so myself. I’m going to edit Parts 4 & 5 this weekend as well, so they’ll be posted within a few days.

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The Quotable Spankster:

“Did you say I can tickle my wife’s nails?”
“Do I need to get one for each ear?“
“If I just use it for 29 days, will that be alright?”

A problem with their server? Their SERVER? How would a problem with their server affect a phone call? Are they using Skype? Dude!! What has telemarketing come to!?!? (These questions - and more - will be answered in time…)

This is just a short continuation of The iPhone Saga, serving to whet your appetite for Parts 3, 4 and 5.

Oh yes. Your jaws will drop with what’s in store for you, spankwise.

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The Quotable Spankster:

“My… mother… would not want me to do that.”
“Can I go to Alaska?“
“I can go to Pierreto Rico…?”
“I’m not sure if my son wants me to do this.“

I admit it. This conversation led to one of my worst impressions of a woman, EVER. In fact, I’ll venture that it’s one of the worst female impressions ANY of you have ever heard. Go ahead. Scour your memory. If you can think of one that’s worse than this, let me know. In many ways, however, I suppose I should take comfort in the fact that I don’t make a very good woman, y’know? I guess I just have too much testosterone flowing through my veins to get in touch with my feminine side. (Not that Nick noticed…)

Ah, Nick. One of my favorite moments was the sound he makes when my “Mother” say to him, “I’m not sure if my son wants me to do this.” Absolutely classic.

In many ways, this could be considered “The Joy of English, Part 2,” with all the misunderstandings along the way. Thankfully, with the help of “Mom” and “Jack,” I was able to wrap this episode up nicely. Or so I thought. Believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, but this episodes kicks off a sprawling Five Part Saga that I’ve decided to call “No iPhone For You!”

Note: My mic was a bit hot, but I tried to adjust my parts to balance it out. Apologies… best listened to on speakers rather than headphones.

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