The Quotable Spankster:

“So, really, Neil is the one who should be spanked.“
“Wow. I feel… special and loved.”  “It doesn’t matter sir, because your number was randomly selected…”
“Can I hang up the call now?”
“Do you know Matilda?“
“Are you going to record this call and put it on the Internet?”
“It is a cell phone, it is not a wall to paint pink.”

This is Part 3 of The iPhone Saga. You’ve been patient, but this is worth it, trust me. (I should note that this episode has a hot mic, so be forewarned. Comedic excellence isn’t always flawless…)

This time Stephan got on the horn, and he was all about ratting Neil out as the newbie he was. Even to the point that when I suggested Neil get spanked for his incompetence, Stephan was all over it, insisting they would “take some action” against him. (What intoxicating power I hold over Neil’s life!! Ha ha ha ha!!!!)

Personally, I found it hard to believe that out of the entire city, I was the only one selected for such a great cell phone deal. Man, am I one lucky guy, or what? But then when we got right down to it and I asked him if I was special, he didn’t pull any punches. Nope. He told me flat out: I’m not special. My NUMBER was special. Sheesh… hope his next job isn’t as a hostage negotiator.

Turns out the only way to become special to this guy was if I become his customer. Yeah. I know. Talk about a hard sell…

Then I derailed him with Neil again, whom he explains he” just sent” to the manager for a good talkin’ too. (Take THAT, Neil!)  Finally, though, I was frank with him. As frank as I’ve ever been with any telemarketer. I told him flat out that I was wasting his time. What he said next is priceless. (And what I said in response is even more so.)

I really,  REALLY had a good time with this guy. I think I was on top of my game, if I do say so myself. I’m going to edit Parts 4 & 5 this weekend as well, so they’ll be posted within a few days.

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