This is a transcript of the original Mary Lou Mystery Show, Pt. 1 spanking. Personally, I think being able to read along to the text only serves to enhance the effect.

I honestly never get tired of hearing this episode! The sheer insanity of it all! When I first picked up the phone I had a vague idea of what I wanted to say, but then when I opened my mouth an original, detailed story (read:lie) came gushing out. Thankfully she called back two more times, allowing me to extend the suspense for another two complete spankings. Yowza!

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Brand Spanking Links: Arizona, Arizona 2, Get Paid, Uncontrolled Sobbing, Prank Calls, Telemarketers

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The Quotable Spankster:

“She put the turtle in the toilet and flushed it!”
“Oh my… goodness… gracious…”
“I’m not used to seeing so much… blood…”
“You know, if it’s a turtle bite it might take a while…”

Wouldn’t you know it? Matilda just can’t seem to stay out of trouble! As if playing kissy-poo with an unsuspecting dog a few weeks ago wasn’t enough, NOW she’s moved on to torturing even MORE helpless creatures! But this time, Nature Bites Back.

With a vengeance.

Thankfully, Helen was there to calmly give me the advice and support I needed. Talk about a timely telemarketer! What WOULD I have done if she HADN’T been on the phone, huh? Perhaps it’s time we all said a quiet word of thanks for the telemarketers in our lives, shall we?

Brand Spanking Links: Magazines, Attack of the Turtle, First Aid for Turtle Bites

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The Quotable Spankster:

“You did WHAT?”
“I kinda feel like… the world… is in trouble lately.”
“I believe that.”
“He’s completely… silver.”

This call didn’t go nearly as long as I had hoped. While I was able to mention how I had invented unstable molecules and kinda explain how they worked, I had only BEGUN to describe the mysterious “silver man” who had been visiting me lately. You know… the silver man? The guy who keeps saying the world is gonna end? Yeah, THAT guy. But halfway through my engaging story I was greeted with a most abrupt dial tone. :\

So sad… I didn’t even have the opportunity to talk about my friends Ben and Johnny, much less my primary competitor in life, Victor. Sheesh… some telemarketers just have no patience, y’know?

Brand Spanking Links: Unstable Molecules, Fire, Invisibility, Silver Surfer, Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four 2

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