The Quotable Spankster:

“I’m gonna tell you like this. Look. I’m be honest w’tchu…”
“You’re not even going to give me a cracker?”
“No, sir. We’re not talkin’ about crackers, we’re not talking about Easy Cheese. We’re talking about a vacation package, sir.”
“There is some qualifications… I’m not sure if you want to or not“
“Can I have an iPod?”

Tom didn’t really let me get a word in edgewise. As soon as he heard the initial hesitation in my response he went in for the kill. If I was anyone but a professional Spanker of Telemarketers, I might not have had a chance. As the case may be, however, I AM a professional Spanker. So I was ready to lock horns with this bad boy, straight out of the gate.

You’ll note that Tom is the kind of person Elaine and Jerry discussed on Seinfeld when they ranted about fast talkers. The guy was practically an auctioneer. Missed his calling, no doubt. (No, wait… after a Google search it seems they talked about LOW Talkers, not fast talkers. Ah, whatever… I’m keeping it in there…)

He didn’t want to play ball, though. I gave him multiple opportunities to sweeten the deal, put a little more spin on his spiel, but he wasn’t gonna have none of that. In fact, in the middle of my suggestions, he actually began to talk me OUT of going to the presentation. (Blink and you miss it…)

The kicker was my iPod question, though. That’s when you can actually hear the vein in Tom’s forehead throb a little bit louder, hear the sizzle as his blood begins to boil just a little bit hotter. You can’t miss it.

Brand Spanking Links: Travel, Florida, Free Gifts, Cracker, Triscuit, Easy Cheese, Fairfield Inn & Suites, iPod, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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The Quotable Spankster:

“I see you left your account in grrreat standing.”
“All the music? It’s in mono… now…”
“I’m not sure if this particular CD is in mono or not…”
“I read in AM magazine that they were going to make a mono CD.”

Jayme was young and energetic. She had her script and she was rarin’ to go, ready to re-enroll me in my abandoned music club. But she didn’t anticipate my recent smackdown with Mother Nature. If you listen closely you can actually hear her excitement die a quick death as I share the riveting story about my pain and loss, as well as my profound wisdom and insight into the frightening world of (*gasp*) mono.

Her comment regarding the mono capabilities of their CDs was the initial spark that motivated me to read as many books on improvisation as possible. ‘Cause you gotta be ready to yank their chains in a whole new direction when the conversation twists THAT quickly. Yowza!

I particularly enjoyed the part where I called for my wife to see if it would be okay if I could rejoin the club. Thankfully this call took place during one of the rare moments my entire family was out of the house, leaving me alone to play with my telemarketer toys as loudly as I wanted to.

Why the conversation took the unexpected twist in the end, I can’t tell you. I guess I was getting bored and wanted to wrap things up, so I made the conversation as awkward as I could. But as awkward as it became, I’m sure Jayme felt even more confused with my parting words.

I know I would, if I were still a telemarketer.

Brand Spanking Links: Music Club, eMusic, Audio Adrenaline, Strong Winds, Lightning, Bursting Ear, Mono CDs, AM Radio, Yelling, Dealing with Bullies, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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The Quotable Spankster:

“Ya ya ya.”
“May I ask what your favorite topping is?”
“My coworker Shawn would trip if he could hear you right now.”
“Naahhh…“
“Yeah, I luv you.”

So last week’s “Joy of English” spanking explored the complexities of the English language and all its intricacies. Miscommunication was rampant, and it resulted in an extra-long, extra enjoyable spanking. (On a side note, if you didn’t listen to it because it was so long and want me to repost ‘em in smaller, bite-sized segments, just drop me a line. I’m here to serve, people.)

THIS episode, on the other hand, is that one’s polar opposite. It’s short and and to-the-point, with no miscommunication whatsoever. As the Bible says, “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.‘” (Matthew 5:37)

And that, dear friend, is exactly what I did.

Brand Spanking Links: Yes or No, A Yes Attitude, When You Say Yes but Mean No, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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