The Quotable Spankster:

“My… mother… would not want me to do that.”
“Can I go to Alaska?“
“I can go to Pierreto Rico…?”
“I’m not sure if my son wants me to do this.“

I admit it. This conversation led to one of my worst impressions of a woman, EVER. In fact, I’ll venture that it’s one of the worst female impressions ANY of you have ever heard. Go ahead. Scour your memory. If you can think of one that’s worse than this, let me know. In many ways, however, I suppose I should take comfort in the fact that I don’t make a very good woman, y’know? I guess I just have too much testosterone flowing through my veins to get in touch with my feminine side. (Not that Nick noticed…)

Ah, Nick. One of my favorite moments was the sound he makes when my “Mother” say to him, “I’m not sure if my son wants me to do this.” Absolutely classic.

In many ways, this could be considered “The Joy of English, Part 2,” with all the misunderstandings along the way. Thankfully, with the help of “Mom” and “Jack,” I was able to wrap this episode up nicely. Or so I thought. Believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, but this episodes kicks off a sprawling Five Part Saga that I’ve decided to call “No iPhone For You!”

Note: My mic was a bit hot, but I tried to adjust my parts to balance it out. Apologies… best listened to on speakers rather than headphones.

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The Quotable Spankster:

“Is it fixed or adjusted on the rate?”    “Um… I believe so.”
“Which school?”   “Lakeside.”   “You did not!!”
“Did you have Mrs. Newton?”   “Yes!!”
“…you didn’t have the Arkansas accent…”     “That’s what gives me away!”

Alison was a sweet, sweet lady. She took the few verbal crumbs I fed her and ran headfirst down the rabbit hole I had created. I present this spanking to the public as a stern warning: don’t get taken off guard by people pretending to know you. This is how a con works, people. Listen and take notes. If I wasn’t the sweet-natured, funny guy I was, this could’ve been the beginning of a messy, messy affair. (Usually quite lucrative for con men without scruples, willing to break women’s hearts.) I’m not that guy, so I cut this one short before Alison could smoke me out for the faking rat I was.

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