I would like to apologize to the patient subscribers who thought I up and died. I didn’t. I haven’t posted a new episode since December only because I was in the process of moving. But now that I’m (semi-)moved in, I’m ready to roll once more. Let the spankings resume! Huzzah!!

Thus, what better way to launch the new year than with a very special “Rolling with TeleSpank” episode? (No, it’s not my favorite, but it was fun nonetheless. And for those who are scratching their heads asking themselves “WHY in the WORLD did he think this was funny?!?!” Well… you’ll have to visit this link to find out. And for the others who know EXACTLY what just happened? Thanks for playing. )

Unfortunately, I don’t think Ruby had a clue to what was going on… despite blasting it in the background… (sigh…)

Brand Spanking Links: RickRolling, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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“Alright, I’m jes’ gonna axe you a few questions jes’ to see if you’re still qualified and to get you qualified, okay?”
“Do you need to go to the hospital, sir?”
“Now I’m in trouble. It broke off.”
“Hold on just a second… I gotta… dig… DIG IN there….”
“I’ve got a hole in my foot, but I’ve got it!”
“Okay, but the yellow one’s not my favorite, though.”

I kinda picture this woman as a humble, Marcie-from-Peanuts kind of lady. Very quiet and soft-spoken, maybe with glasses. And mousy. She’s kinda timid and mousy. Even when I told her about my neato CLEAR credit card, she remained unamused. Unfazed. As if she were playing poker. Plus, she speaks in long, monotonous sentences. Let’s call her Marcie, shall we?

So, Marcie is of those callers who took me by surprise, in the end. I was shocked that she not only stayed on the line for so long, but continued to quietly-yet-persistently press in to get the sale. (Not unlike what happened in one of my favorite episodes, “That Feeling Inside.“) I guess once they’ve wasted enough minutes on the phone with some nut, they really REALLY want to get that sale. Lest they get an earful from their manager when he reviews the call log. Heh, heh.

I just have to say, if I don’t get an Oscar for my portrayal of “A Man In Pain,” there’s something wrong with the world we live in. Seriously. I opened my heart, my very foot to the world. It’s the least I deserve. Some kind of recognition… or a plug on your favorite local morning show… (Why, oh why must I always live in your shadow, Tom Mabe?!?)

Note: This episode is full of anguished cries and heavy breathing. It remains, however, family-friendly with a “PG” rating. An’ the only thing keeping it from being “G” is the fact that my character gets a TOOTHPICK stuck in his foot. And that might be scary to li’l Bobby, y’know? (Plus, they’d end up asking you a ton of questions. Kids do that. They ask and ask and ask and ask and they don’t stop until 1) you’ve answered sufficiently, or 2) you’re dead.)

Obviously, I’m one who answers any and all insane, inane questions sufficiently.

Note #2: This episode was based on a true event concerning my sister-in-law. And as soon as I heard the news (and mourned for her foot, accordingly) I went to work thinking of how I’d work such pain into a spanking. Click below to hear it in all its glory.

Brand Spanking Links: Marcie, Toothpick Incidents, Friday’s, LifeChurch.tv, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

Hey! Wanna help me get a FREE iPod Touch? (Wanna get one for yourself?) Click HERE to find out more! (I only need 5 referrals, so it’s first come, first served, people.)

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The Quotable Spankster:

“May I have your name please?” “Uh… Keith.” “Chief?”
“I’m not, I’m not… I’m not, I’m not…“
“It would definitely really sound healthy… nor sanitary… to put a larvae in a bite.”
“I can’t gives you a comment on that. But I can enroll you in this program.“

I really DID have a nasty bout with a boil around the time of this episode. You know, MRSA? The “Super Bug” everyone’s been hearing about? Yeah, well, it ain’t so super, lemme tell ya. Starts as a pimple and then it’s all downhill from there. The difference between MY situation and “Keith’s” is I had mine professionally lanced at a clinic, rather than waiting for the lovely thing to burst on its own.

Wanna talk about pain? Go get a festering boil lanced and squeezed and pinched. Then we’ll talk. (Boy How DEE, did that hurt. An’ I have a low pain tolerance to start with. Seriously. You’d think I was a redhead or something.)

But enough about my daring survival stories… give it a listen already!

Brand Spanking Links: MRSA, Maggot Therapy, More Maggot Therapy, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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