The Quotable Spankster:

“What’s a Starz package?”
“I don’t subscribe to astrology.”
“I’ll just set up a time for you, and you’re not committing to anything at all.”
“But what happens if your people come out?“
“A lot of kids today, they don’t know their geography well.”

Alan was a nice enough guy. I’d say he was almost as polite as Brandon was. To be honest, I didn’t know where I was headed with this one, so I decided to fall back on the “I can’t decide without my wife” tactic. I made a point to position her as far away as possible, just in case Alan was gonna press me for the Hard Sell (as expected). Overall? I’d say it’s a luke-warm spanking set in a frigid climate.

On a side note, if you’re ever in the mood for a frigid, Antarctic novel, I heartily recommend Matt Reilly’s “Ice Station.” By far the most action-packed page turner I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. (And that goes for most ALL of his stuff!)

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The Quotable Spankster:

“And your telephone number, please?”
“Uh, it’s 7-6-5-7… 1-6-9-5-2.”
“Is this being recorded?” “No.”

This is another short but sweet, to-the-point spanking. I had the initial goal of making my Public (Podcast?) Service Announcement, but when she started gathering my information I just couldn’t resist messing her head a bit. Unfortunately, in the process I got a li’l dizzy myself, nearly losing my bearing.

But as the conversation played out, I was ready to jockey for position, reclaim the mic and lay it on the line.

Bottom line? As a podcast on iTunes, TeleSpank.com is one of hundreds competing in the comedy slot. I’d like to rise above the riff-raff out there. The podcast posers, if you will. I want TeleSpank to be one of the few, the proud, the featured podcasts. But I can’t do it without your help.

So seriously. If you have an iTunes account and wanna convince me this is as much fun for you as it is for me, consider clicking on the Review This Podcast button at the top. You’ll be whisked away to the iTunes Music Store where you can profess to the world your love of all things TeleSpank.

I’d really, really appreciate it. Honestly. I mean it. I’m not just blowing smoke, here.

Pretty please?

Brand Spanking Links: Review TeleSpank.com, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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The Quotable Spankster:

“Chef Master!!!”
“I’m the guy who can drink everything.”
“Kangaroo blood, both refrigerated and fresh…”
“Basically, if I can blend it, I’ll drink it.”
“I’m like, heck, I’m a real man.“
“If I get some Saran Wrap or something, she’ll kiss me… maybe a little tongue.”

Selling water filtration services? People, you just called the wrong guy.

If you listen closely you can hear good Charlotte actually gulp when I mention “how it all started” with the kangaroo blood down in Australia. Then as I’m tellin’ my tall (and I do mean TALL) tale, you can hear another lady laughing in the background! Whatever happened to privacy, people? Maybe I should just expect all incoming telemarketer calls to be party lines from now on.

I enjoyed mentioning my competition and the current World Record holder - Kevin Sphankderhoffer. Any chance I get, I think I’ll try to work his name into future conversations. It’s just fun to say. Come on, try it - Sphankderhoffer. (You KNOW you’re gonna be saying that the rest of the week…)

Sphankderhoffer.

Mining the ever-expanding Vault of Telemarketer Wisdom, Charlotte taught me this: I no longer have to fear drinking bleach, because apparently I already do. ‘Course, once I got her goin’ on that I could hardly get a word in edgewise. Still, the conversation was fun and her reaction entertaining, so I figure it’s worthy of Spankdom for now.

Brand Spanking Links: Hummer, iPod, BBQ, Coupons, Guinness Book of World Records, Australia, Kangaroo Wrestling, How NOT to wrestle with a Kangaroo, Sleeper Hold, Saran Wrap, iPod Nano, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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