The Quotable Spankster:

“Chef Master!!!”
“I’m the guy who can drink everything.”
“Kangaroo blood, both refrigerated and fresh…”
“Basically, if I can blend it, I’ll drink it.”
“I’m like, heck, I’m a real man.“
“If I get some Saran Wrap or something, she’ll kiss me… maybe a little tongue.”

Selling water filtration services? People, you just called the wrong guy.

If you listen closely you can hear good Charlotte actually gulp when I mention “how it all started” with the kangaroo blood down in Australia. Then as I’m tellin’ my tall (and I do mean TALL) tale, you can hear another lady laughing in the background! Whatever happened to privacy, people? Maybe I should just expect all incoming telemarketer calls to be party lines from now on.

I enjoyed mentioning my competition and the current World Record holder - Kevin Sphankderhoffer. Any chance I get, I think I’ll try to work his name into future conversations. It’s just fun to say. Come on, try it - Sphankderhoffer. (You KNOW you’re gonna be saying that the rest of the week…)

Sphankderhoffer.

Mining the ever-expanding Vault of Telemarketer Wisdom, Charlotte taught me this: I no longer have to fear drinking bleach, because apparently I already do. ‘Course, once I got her goin’ on that I could hardly get a word in edgewise. Still, the conversation was fun and her reaction entertaining, so I figure it’s worthy of Spankdom for now.

Brand Spanking Links: Hummer, iPod, BBQ, Coupons, Guinness Book of World Records, Australia, Kangaroo Wrestling, How NOT to wrestle with a Kangaroo, Sleeper Hold, Saran Wrap, iPod Nano, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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The Quotable Spankster:

“Can you call me Chachi?”
“We have a three by feet, a five by feet American flag.”
“You know, some got blind because of the tragic…”
“Hey, Lovey! How are you?” “I’m fine, Chauncey.“
“Can’t you just love me for the Chauncey that I am?”

Well, I was gonna post an entirely different episode today, but I JUST NOW received this call from Melody, and she kind of “dates” the podcast. Thus, if I didn’t post it today, it’d be completely out of place a month or two from now.

For those of you who enjoyed “The Yes Man,” I think you’re gonna dig this as well. Like a number of my other spankings, I kinda switch gears midway, but she’s so eager to sell that she either doesn’t notice or just doesn’t care. (Or both.) Either way, we ended up having a ton of fun.

Enjoy!

Brand Spanking Links: Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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The Quotable Spankster:

“I’m gonna tell you like this. Look. I’m be honest w’tchu…”
“You’re not even going to give me a cracker?”
“No, sir. We’re not talkin’ about crackers, we’re not talking about Easy Cheese. We’re talking about a vacation package, sir.”
“There is some qualifications… I’m not sure if you want to or not“
“Can I have an iPod?”

Tom didn’t really let me get a word in edgewise. As soon as he heard the initial hesitation in my response he went in for the kill. If I was anyone but a professional Spanker of Telemarketers, I might not have had a chance. As the case may be, however, I AM a professional Spanker. So I was ready to lock horns with this bad boy, straight out of the gate.

You’ll note that Tom is the kind of person Elaine and Jerry discussed on Seinfeld when they ranted about fast talkers. The guy was practically an auctioneer. Missed his calling, no doubt. (No, wait… after a Google search it seems they talked about LOW Talkers, not fast talkers. Ah, whatever… I’m keeping it in there…)

He didn’t want to play ball, though. I gave him multiple opportunities to sweeten the deal, put a little more spin on his spiel, but he wasn’t gonna have none of that. In fact, in the middle of my suggestions, he actually began to talk me OUT of going to the presentation. (Blink and you miss it…)

The kicker was my iPod question, though. That’s when you can actually hear the vein in Tom’s forehead throb a little bit louder, hear the sizzle as his blood begins to boil just a little bit hotter. You can’t miss it.

Brand Spanking Links: Travel, Florida, Free Gifts, Cracker, Triscuit, Easy Cheese, Fairfield Inn & Suites, iPod, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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