The Quotable Spankster:

“I see you left your account in grrreat standing.”
“All the music? It’s in mono… now…”
“I’m not sure if this particular CD is in mono or not…”
“I read in AM magazine that they were going to make a mono CD.”

Jayme was young and energetic. She had her script and she was rarin’ to go, ready to re-enroll me in my abandoned music club. But she didn’t anticipate my recent smackdown with Mother Nature. If you listen closely you can actually hear her excitement die a quick death as I share the riveting story about my pain and loss, as well as my profound wisdom and insight into the frightening world of (*gasp*) mono.

Her comment regarding the mono capabilities of their CDs was the initial spark that motivated me to read as many books on improvisation as possible. ‘Cause you gotta be ready to yank their chains in a whole new direction when the conversation twists THAT quickly. Yowza!

I particularly enjoyed the part where I called for my wife to see if it would be okay if I could rejoin the club. Thankfully this call took place during one of the rare moments my entire family was out of the house, leaving me alone to play with my telemarketer toys as loudly as I wanted to.

Why the conversation took the unexpected twist in the end, I can’t tell you. I guess I was getting bored and wanted to wrap things up, so I made the conversation as awkward as I could. But as awkward as it became, I’m sure Jayme felt even more confused with my parting words.

I know I would, if I were still a telemarketer.

Brand Spanking Links: Music Club, eMusic, Audio Adrenaline, Strong Winds, Lightning, Bursting Ear, Mono CDs, AM Radio, Yelling, Dealing with Bullies, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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The Quotable Spankster:

“Ya ya ya.”
“May I ask what your favorite topping is?”
“My coworker Shawn would trip if he could hear you right now.”
“Naahhh…“
“Yeah, I luv you.”

So last week’s “Joy of English” spanking explored the complexities of the English language and all its intricacies. Miscommunication was rampant, and it resulted in an extra-long, extra enjoyable spanking. (On a side note, if you didn’t listen to it because it was so long and want me to repost ‘em in smaller, bite-sized segments, just drop me a line. I’m here to serve, people.)

THIS episode, on the other hand, is that one’s polar opposite. It’s short and and to-the-point, with no miscommunication whatsoever. As the Bible says, “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.‘” (Matthew 5:37)

And that, dear friend, is exactly what I did.

Brand Spanking Links: Yes or No, A Yes Attitude, When You Say Yes but Mean No, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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The Quotable Spankster:

“I have to pay YOU $900?!?”
“So, I didn’t win anything, then?”
“…and if more people would click on the ads, then I’d get paid more. Hint Hint.”
“I’m not just a one-date wonder…“
“I’ve got two balls and I use them. Wisely.”

I’ve debated whether to post this one since it’s a hefty 15 minutes long, but I’ve gotten enough positive feedback from people who listened to it on the official TeleSpank.com CD that I figured I’d make it available to everyone. (Yes, you might as well just hand me the generous Spankster of the Year award now, thank you very much…)

They say English is actually a very complex language to learn when compared to other languages. As Americans we might think we’re all that an’ a bag o’ chips, but when it comes to speaking our minds? Well, sometimes words have a way of gettin’ mixed up. I loved talking to Katie, though. Not only did I get an extended spanking out of the deal, but I think she actually thought I was funny. Seriously! She was also a heavy breather, which was kinda interesting as well. (Or were those sighs of exasperation?)

Overall, this episode waffles between painful and enjoyable (as usual), with plenty of awkward silences and a few subtle surprises for you, the listener. Although the audio quality degrades a bit toward the end, I think you’ll find it’s still well worth the full listen. Just slip on your headphones there at work and let the spankin’ begin…

Brand Spanking Links: Internet, MSN, AOL, Windows 98, Windows XP, Macintosh, The Macintosh Man In Me, Viruses, Google AdSense, Massage, Pop-Up Blocker, Spam Blocker, Scam Blocker, My Mother, Toilets, Buyer’s Remorse, Art of Persuasion, Spanish, Russian, Chechloslovakia, Aruba, Indian, The Simpsons, Smart, Package, Two Balls, Decision Making, Balls in a Sling, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com

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