A Sticky, ‘Picky Situation.
“Alright, I’m jes’ gonna axe you a few questions jes’ to see if you’re still qualified and to get you qualified, okay?”
“Do you need to go to the hospital, sir?”
“Now I’m in trouble. It broke off.”
“Hold on just a second… I gotta… dig… DIG IN there….”
“I’ve got a hole in my foot, but I’ve got it!”
“Okay, but the yellow one’s not my favorite, though.”
I kinda picture this woman as a humble, Marcie-from-Peanuts kind of lady. Very quiet and soft-spoken, maybe with glasses. And mousy. She’s kinda timid and mousy. Even when I told her about my neato CLEAR credit card, she remained unamused. Unfazed. As if she were playing poker. Plus, she speaks in long, monotonous sentences. Let’s call her Marcie, shall we?
So, Marcie is of those callers who took me by surprise, in the end. I was shocked that she not only stayed on the line for so long, but continued to quietly-yet-persistently press in to get the sale. (Not unlike what happened in one of my favorite episodes, “That Feeling Inside.“) I guess once they’ve wasted enough minutes on the phone with some nut, they really REALLY want to get that sale. Lest they get an earful from their manager when he reviews the call log. Heh, heh.
I just have to say, if I don’t get an Oscar for my portrayal of “A Man In Pain,” there’s something wrong with the world we live in. Seriously. I opened my heart, my very foot to the world. It’s the least I deserve. Some kind of recognition… or a plug on your favorite local morning show… (Why, oh why must I always live in your shadow, Tom Mabe?!?)
Note: This episode is full of anguished cries and heavy breathing. It remains, however, family-friendly with a “PG” rating. An’ the only thing keeping it from being “G” is the fact that my character gets a TOOTHPICK stuck in his foot. And that might be scary to li’l Bobby, y’know? (Plus, they’d end up asking you a ton of questions. Kids do that. They ask and ask and ask and ask and they don’t stop until 1) you’ve answered sufficiently, or 2) you’re dead.)
Obviously, I’m one who answers any and all insane, inane questions sufficiently.
Note #2: This episode was based on a true event concerning my sister-in-law. And as soon as I heard the news (and mourned for her foot, accordingly) I went to work thinking of how I’d work such pain into a spanking. Click below to hear it in all its glory.
Brand Spanking Links: Marcie, Toothpick Incidents, Friday’s, LifeChurch.tv, Prank Calls, Pranks, Spanking Telemarketers, TeleSpank.com
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